By Constance Rock & Aleksandra EvanguelidiTwelve Tips for helping you after delivery:
•If at all possible, have your partner take a one to two-week vacation, leave of absence or paternity leave after the birth. This will give him/her time to bond with the new baby, to care for you and give you both time to learn how to be parents (again).
•It’s a great idea to take an infant-child CPR course before the baby comes. This skill will give you confidence once you are on your own with your baby and you never know, one day you might use it to save someone’s life.
•Arrange for a family member or friend, other than your partner, to come over every day to help with the meals and laundry for the first 2 weeks. Choose someone who isn’t going to expect you to entertain them; someone you will take care of you and support you in resting and recovering from the birth.
•Have your friends help with meals for the first 2 weeks. Ask a close friend to arrange a schedule for meal drop off with your other friends. This gives them the opportunity to see you and the baby while providing something special for you.
•Don’t try to be Wonder Woman. If other people offer to help, graciously accept. Although it’s sometimes difficult to except support, postpartum is a time in your life when you really are going to need it. And remember, it’s temporary and the opportunity to contribute to you could be a blessing to your friends. Think about a time in your life when you were able to do something simple that really made a difference for someone you care about. Didn’t it feel great?
•Keep a list on the refrigerator of things that need to be done so someone wanting to help knows what to do. Make a list of chores that you can do sitting or lying down; you’d be amazed at how many there are. Ask for help with cooking and cleaning: Your new job is to care for your baby. Allow people to contribute to you by helping you with all of the other chores. Running errands, dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking and shopping.
•Arrange for your older children to spend part of each day with friends or a relative for the first few days after the birth. This will give you time to rest and to get to know your new baby. If your partner has time off, have him/her spend extra time with the older children. It’s not a good idea, however, to have an older child spend the night away from home at this time. S/he needs to know that all is well at home, and that his/her place is still secure within the family.
•Other suggestions for involving the older children: have the older children choose the clothes that the baby will wear right after the birth; they can help you pack them. Buy a special gift for the older children "from the baby." When friends come to visit, bringing gifts for the baby, ask them to bring something for the older ones, too; or have a few gifts on hand for the older ones. When friends arrive, ask them to spend some time with the older children first, then ask the older children to take them in to meet the new baby. Leave out the older children’s baby books or photo albums, so that they can show guests that they were babies once, too. Issue the birth announcements in the older children’s names (Billy Jones announces the birth of his new baby sister…) Try to arrange some special time with just you and each of the older children while your partner cares for the baby.
•Keep things you need by the bed. Put water and juice bottles by your bed. Bottles should be easy to open with one hand or your mouth. Also snacks like almonds or trail mix. Keep a phone near you. Diapers, wipes, change of clothes, burp cloths and the diaper pail should be reaching distance from the bed.
•Sleep when the baby sleeps. Don’t be tempted to take that time to catch up on the housework. If you wake up before the baby does, use that time to eat or shower. You might find that you really could have used that nap if you’re up all night with the baby.
•Record a message on your incoming phone line. People want to know you’re O.K. and they want to know about the baby. Record frequent messages about your birth, how it’s going and how everyone is doing. Include date of birth, baby’s weight, name, sex, etc. Also let your callers know you won’t be returning calls right away and to be patient with you while you bond and rest.
•Have someone call you regularly to check in on you. Especially between 10 days and one month after the birth. If you feel great, it will be a happy hello. If you’re having a hard time, it will give you a welcome opportunity to share and receive support.
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